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reasons: [06 May 2004|10:02pm]
-escape button
-forget everything
-live a little
-do something wrong
-really forget everything

why not to:
-get caught

yeah good outweighs that bad right now
40 wished they loved you

[05 May 2004|09:53pm]
i feel like i dont matter. i dont matter to you. im nothing in your eyes.
all i want is something to tell me im wrong. just for you to do or say something to prove me wrong. i need that.
maybe i dont need that. maybe i dont need you. you obviously dont need me.
wished they loved you

[24 Apr 2004|10:52pm]
you mean the world to me.
the thought of you brings a smile to my face.
the sound of your voice makes me content.
your laugh sends my mood soaring.
being around you is a great thing.
but theres still something more.
something missing thats there.
just hidden beneath the surface.
waiting to be discovered.
i dont know if i will ever understand whats missing.
but even if i dont i think it's all worth it.
wished they loved you

[22 Apr 2004|09:28pm]
this smile on my face is because of you.
you've changed me so much.
in more ways than able to count.
you dont know what youve done.
but i needed it.
and appreciate it.
without you im afraid of where i would be right now.
i wouldnt be here, thats for sure.
but you gave me a reason to stay.
wished they loved you

[20 Apr 2004|09:43pm]
I know you didnt leave me. You're still here. But never around. I need you by my side right now. Give me strength and courage to continue. Its hard at times. nothing makes sense anymore, since you left. I know you'll be back but I need you now. You and only you. No one else can fill this void in my heart. no one but you.
wished they loved you

[12 Apr 2004|10:19pm]
i know you didnt mean it. but you still really hurt me. you said that you werent going to talk so you wouldnt yell at me. you might as well have. i dont think you really understand what im thinking. what im feeling. you might has well just yelled at me.
wished they loved you

[11 Apr 2004|08:40pm]
these past few months ive changed. everythings changed. i dont think the same way. i dont act the same way. i dont even believe in the same things. its still all confusing. i dont know what to believe. i dont even know who to believe.

i dont even believe in myself anymore...
wished they loved you

[04 Apr 2004|06:36pm]
everything was so good. i was happy...happy! and the happiness didn't fade.
but now its all gone. gone with those hurtful words that made me again realize that im nothing. that im a waste. i feel like a prisoner here. being tried because of what i say. no crimes commited. just stupid words. thats what it all comes down to. srupid words. stupid breath.
wished they loved you

[31 Mar 2004|09:48pm]
if i died would anyone care?
i think people would at first.
but i highly doubt they love me that much to care.
wished they loved you

[29 Mar 2004|10:42pm]
i just wanna go away. this is all too much. i cant take it. the people i look up to, i cant look up to anymore. nothings stable. i dont know what to do. im left with nothing for security. i want to help. i dont know how i can. im not even happy with myself. how can i help others. i feel so usless.
wished they loved you

[28 Mar 2004|09:22pm]
youre really hurting me. and im not being oversensitive. how can you not see me? its obvious. but i guess im not obvious to you. you make me feel like shit. i feel worthless. why do you make me feel this way? i dont like this anymore. it hurts too much.
wished they loved you

[26 Mar 2004|11:04pm]
i cant stop this. its only getting worse. i wish i could enjoy it. i want to. but its one sided. it sucks. i want it. i really do. but im not going to do anything. i cant.
wished they loved you

[24 Mar 2004|08:52pm]
i need someone to lean on right now.
a shoulder to cry on.
someone to listen and not be worried.
wished they loved you

[23 Mar 2004|08:58pm]
my life is just one big confusion. i was thinking today that maybe i need a goal. something to accomplish. some proof that im not just here for no reason. this is the first time in years i haven't had a goal. my last few long term goals were squashed. which totally sucked.
i hate feeling like this. i want change. and then i dont. its all so confusing. i look at my friends and wonder why theyre happy. i need that. and i dont know how to get it. and i need it fast. im kinda afraid to be me sometimes. like the thoughts i have can be scary.
i dunno. i cant think of any goals. i mean of course keep getting good grades, and improve in dance and cello and stuff. maybe i just need something fun.
i also think i need a best friend. since obviously i dont have one anymore. i need that.
i feel like im missing something. something that ive never had before. i dont know what it is. but i hope i figure it out fast.
wished they loved you

[21 Mar 2004|09:17pm]
i dont care. i really dont. all this means nothing to me. i want to die. i hate this. its so stupid. i want it all to end. i dont care. theres no reason that i should be here. no reason at all. im just another failure. im fine with that. thats what i want. why cant people be okay with that. why cant they just leave me alone. it would make my life a whole lot easier.
wished they loved you

[21 Mar 2004|02:28pm]
i am mad at you. but its not your fault. its no ones. just some stupid thing that wont go away. i wish it would. im sick of this. this stupid raw deal.
wished they loved you

[20 Mar 2004|09:53pm]
i dont want to be here. im dying. im gonna puke. im tired of having to eat. im tired of thinking. im tired of feelings. im tired of myself. i want to go away. but if i do nothing else will go away. none of this junk. its gonna stay with me. i hate this. i want it all to stop. everything. nothings good. it all turns bad. all of it. everything keeps crashing down.
wished they loved you

[20 Mar 2004|02:45pm]
you cant understand why im mad. thats beacuse you dont know about this. you know everything else. except this. and this is something im left to deal with and try to forget. its becoming harder. but im not going to break. i wont tell you about this. if i told you it would make my life easier. but it would make yours harder. and im not about to do that to you. but it sucks being on my side. it sucks a lot.
wished they loved you

[19 Mar 2004|06:42pm]
people told me that this would happen. i never believed them. i told them they were wrong. they were right. i realize this now. and i agree with them. things will never be the same. but sadly, im not sad. something just happened and im fine with that. yeah i miss it sometimes. i still want to help you. i dont want you to get like i used to be. or other people ive seen worse than what i was like. but there something, like a wall there. ive looked for a ladder, while you did nothing. so im doing the same- nothing.
wished they loved you

[19 Mar 2004|01:05am]
you sit there talking. i know what you mean, even though i dont hear your words. you know youre hurting me. but you continue. do i really deserve this. just because im not like you or anyone else. do you think i want to be like this. you know youre not helping anything. you make things worse for me. make my life difficult. i dont hate you. just as much as i dont think you hate me. i know you dont hate me but that doesnt stop you. i dont know why you say and do the things you do. but it hurts.
wished they loved you

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