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[18 Mar 2004|09:35pm]
im starting to get real worried now. im not trying to do this to myself. i dont like this. im helpless. i want things to change. im embarrassed about it. i hate when people comment on it. im normal. do i not look it. obviously i dont. they can see things that i dont. things im hiding from myself. its obvious to them. i wish everyone would stop thinking.
wished they loved you

[17 Mar 2004|09:32pm]
i look in your eyes and i know youre hidding something. you looked pained and troubled. yet you say nothing. youre constantly stressed and tired. i want to help, i seriously do. but i dont know how. you wont let me. you used to. i used to help but now all i can do is watch you struggle and fall.
wished they loved you

[16 Mar 2004|09:26pm]
its odd how feelings come so sudden. i think this feeling has just been building inside. i should be happy but im not. i dont want this feeling. not now. everything could change. and maybe not in the good way. something inside of me is embracing and enjoying this feeling. something else is telling me nothing good will come of this- only destruction and pain. im constantly torn. there's no easy answer.  right now im fighting it. its hard and im not winning. im making things worse. i dont know what to do. the more i think the more im torn. i want this but i dont. i like what i have. i dont want it to change. i wont let it. not now.
wished they loved you

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